Deployment

I was in denial for a while thinking this day wouldn't come.  It seems like before every deployment I have certain emotions I go through.  Lots of crying, feeling sad, anger, mostly just sorry for myself.  This deployment wasn't as bad, I made a conscious effort to not get angry at little things and just enjoy the time we had together.  I also made sure I didn't pack our schedule full of events, that always adds to the stress too!  I always am trying to get family pictures, recordings, and other things done.  This time I didn't worry about any of it.  We just spent a lot of time together.  I did pretty well with my emotions, I didn't get angry until the very end, which is progress for me.  I was also trying really hard to keep my emotions under control while we were hanging around the squadron waiting for the plane to take off.  I didn't want the kids to see me a sobbing mess.  I did pretty well, only shed a couple of tears until the final goodbye.  Then Brenalee lost it.  She started sobbing and looking at me with this sad look on her little face like "why is he leaving me?"  I will never forget the look she kept giving me.  She would just look at me and sob.  It was awful.  When she started that, I couldn't hold it in any longer and I started crying too.  It hurt, it hurt so much to watch him walk away.  It hurt to see what it did to my kids, their poor little hearts were broken too.  Tyler was doing ok until we got in the car.  Then he started crying uncontrollably.  He said he couldn't cry in front of people.  We sat in the car and cried together for a good 15-20 minutes.  We got home and they were doing a little better...until that night.  Then the crying started all over again.  It's hard for them to not have their daddy to tuck them in and give them loves and kisses.  It took a good 4-5 nights before they stopped crying at night for him.  This was by far the hardest deployment ever.  I think the kids are just right at that age where it's really tough.
 

 We had a couple of hours to wait until the actual goodbye.  They kids were acting goofy. 

 Brena decided to beat daddy up with himself (her daddy doll).

 I thought those two looked so cute standing and looking out at the plane.

 We went out to the plane for a bit, it was crowded with every one's stuff and lots of people.

 

 Brena was so funny, she kept kissing daddy over and over again.

 

 Goofy TyTy wearing daddy's gear.

 It's getting closer to the last goodbye.

 And, that was it.  That's when it all fell apart.  Brena had such a hard time.

 

There he goes...

We wanted to watch the plane take off, but we had to wait a bit.  Brena couldn't handle it anymore and she just sat down.

 Then, she just laid down on her daddy doll.

 Then they were off.  Goodbye - we love you so much.  See you in 6 months.